Snow White (2025) – REVIEW & COCKTAIL – The Martini Shot

Is 2025’s Snow White as bad as people were anticipating? Yes. 

Alright, I guess you’re owed a review. So, the original Snow White and the Seven Dwarves is obviously an iconic piece of film history, being the first ever US animated feature film and the picture that really began to put Disney on the map. And you know, the film also holds a special place in my heart personally. It’s one of the first films I can remember watching as a very young child. I think my parents even had home videos of me singing the Heigh-Ho song around our living room. And there’s been a lot of hoeing and humming about this new film being a bastardization of the original film; a victim of weaponized politicism meant to destroy cultures and erase history at the service of hypersensitive inclusivity and diversity. And, as someone who loves the original film, I just have to say…shut the fuck up.

Yeah, I was kinda dreading reviewing this thing because I figured that if I disliked it, I would be lumped in with all the maniacs making this their latest target for hollow buzzwords and rage-baiting thumbnails. I mean, this thing seemed like trouble from the start, from casting controversies to continuing to support supposedly outdated caricatures of dwarves. It doesn’t seem like anyone really wanted this, but just because the take on the character and the story is a bit of a departure from the source material does not make this a bad movie.

It is a bad movie, but you know, for actual legitimate reasons.

To the shock of no one, Snow White is simply another sputtering spit-up from the Disney live action machine. Like The Little Mermaid and Pinocchio before it, this is yet another attempt from Disney to generate some easy money by reviving a beloved story, changing it ever so slightly to try to justify its existence, and rushing it to market with no real intent of telling a good story. It’s dry, often lifeless, and may not even be exciting enough to garner the attention of the young children it’s probably aiming for. That being said, I do believe there are some small positives that are a step in the right direction for a retelling, but these ideas mostly feel splashed in there for brownie points without actually making them interesting. I know this sounds like one big “no shit”, but trust me, there’s a good amount of excrement to go around.

So Snow White is a princess reduced to the role of house maid after both her parents die, leaving her under the watchful eye of her wicked stepmother, who has now become queen. Looking to save her people from the queen’s fascist rule, Snow White escapes the kingdom and flees into the forest, where she meets seven friendly dwarves and a charming thief. Snow White must team with her newfound friends to finally stand up to the Queen and bring peace to the kingdom of…you know, they never say the name. Also, the queen doesn’t have a name either. Oh well.

Okay, starting with a positive: Rachel Zegler. Despite the hard to ignore bitching and cawing from the culture vultures about her casting, I actually thought she was a good pick. She’s still relatively new to the scene, but her performances in West Side Story and The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes are proof that she can hold her own, especially as a singer. Zegler does come out being the best part of the film, despite a multitude of things working against her. She brings ample amounts of charm to the role, but she’s held back by limp directing, a weak script, and just an overall boring character. Sure, she’s looking to lead a revolution against her evil stepmother, but I don’t think they do enough to give this formally two-dimensional character more depth. 

Then there’s Gal Gadot as the Evil Queen. If I can say one good thing about her, it’s that I do think she looks the part. But man, once she opens her mouth, it’s all downhill from here. Gadot just cannot sell the menacing nature of the character with the kind of wooden acting that has become consistent in a lot of her movie roles. Her character is all about vanity, and that seems to slip into Gadot’s performance, as there’s hardly any emotion pulled out of her to the point where it seems like she’s trying her hardest to not break from model face. And I’m sorry, the singing just didn’t do it for me. Maybe the type of song they give her just wasn’t suited for her voice, but it still doesn’t excuse the fact that she may have the worst musical number in the entire film.

Which now brings us to the dwarves…who aren’t played by little people. I get what Disney was trying to do by making them all CG so they could appear more as fantastical creatures rather than actors pigeonholed into the only roles they ever seem to be offered…but God, they’re hard to look at. I think they capture the personalities of all of them fairly well, but these guys are just too uncanny valley for me. Their facial features often look okay, but in motion, they just move and take up space in the world in such an unnatural looking way. Their actions feel a bit too floaty and weightless, something that perhaps could have been remedied if a person of the characters’ actual stature had at least been mocapping it. And look, I don’t have the right answer to what the best decision should have been for casting these characters, but I do know that if both outcomes seem bad, you just probably shouldn’t do it at all.

Snow White’s love interest is turned from a prince to a thief this time around, which wouldn’t be so much of a bad thing if they’d stop referencing it a bunch. “I’m not your knight in shining armor, princess.” Yeah, nice lore nod, we get it. But the film at least gives him far more to do and actually allows him to establish a relationship with Snow White so his eventual cadaver kiss doesn’t seem as weird. He’s played by Andrew Burnap, and I actually don’t have too much of an issue with his character other than the name they gave him: Jonathan. Look, there’s nothing wrong with the name Jonathan. I’m friends with a lot of Jonathans. It just struck me as one of the most boring, white bread names to slap on a prince. You’re in a world filled with characters named Snow White, Sleepy, Grumpy, Dopey, PeePee, and Poopy and the best thing you can come up with is…Jonathan? I don’t even know if this is a real complaint anymore. I probably just had too much of the poisoned apple.

I’m a bit mixed on the special effects this go-around. I already stated my distaste for the dwarves, but I actually think the woodland creatures look alright. Sure, they’re given a bit of human features so they can properly emote more, but they don’t disturb me on a Lovecraftian level like they probably could have. The computer generated backgrounds actually aren’t that bad either, which I think comes down to the fact that a lot of the scenes seem to be properly lit to not only match the scene’s coloring, but to also create the illusion that most of this wasn’t shot on a soundstage. Better late than never, Disney. Good job. With that being said, there’s not a lot of interesting things going on when it comes to visual flair. Marc Webb definitely has it in him to create interestingly shot set pieces, but everything feels so reigned in here, especially with the musical sequences.

The iconic songs you know like Heigh-Ho and Whistle While You Work are all translated fairly faithfully, but I found a lot of the original songs made for this version to be pretty forgettable. I think Waiting on a Wish is probably the closest the film gets to generating a genuine ear worm, but a lot of them just kind of blend together sonically and don’t offer much in the way of composition or presentation. A lot of the songs are sung while characters kind of just wander about the set, never really engaging in creative choreography while the camera just kinda follows them in a dull manner, with Princess Problems being a prime example of this. Anytime a classic Disney song is juxtaposed against a song trying to capture that same vibe, I find it works out less often than it succeeds.

And as for the new narrative this time around…surely there could have been something more interesting to bring to the table. I’m not that mad that they turned this into a “fight against oppression” movie, I just wish more would have been done to flesh that out. Don’t just tell us the queen is evil; show us. Don’t just tell us that Snow White has a deep connection with her kingdom’s people; show us. It dances around these easy ideas to give us the most cliche turn of events you can imagine. Sure, the original Snow White wasn’t considered cliche back then, but that doesn’t give you a free pass to just not expand or build upon it in a worthwhile way. Do something that takes that original, barebones idea, and find a way to make it connect with the modern day. Give us a new way to view the original, not a blatant coattail rider. But why should I expect that when all of Disney’s other live action remakes share the same drive and motivation; money.

At the end of the day, I don’t think it’s worth blaming the actors, the director or the crew for this film; you gotta blame Disney. They know exactly what they want this to be and will not allow it to be changed in any way that may be seen as creative or inventive. Snow White is just here because it can be. It was made because it was easy. The blueprints are already there, they just need to follow them. And when their bad movies ultimately fail, they’ll blame it on all the people the reactionaries targeted from the get go. Rinse and repeat until the moviegoing experience just involves sitting in a sterile white room with blind fluorescent lighting overhead.

Okay, that’s a bit dramatic, as Snow White is not the worst film in the world. I do think there’s enough artificial magic there to generate some sort of joy and wonder in those looking for it. This isn’t figurative rat poison for your kids; maybe it’s closer to Benadryl. I think kids will enjoy it enough, and adults can just nap through this one. And thus, my culture war against Disney continues, but not on the side of those weirdos that crap their pants when a character is black or gay. It’s an exhausting fight, but it’s one I’m willing to endure shamelessly for clicks and like. And don’t forget to subscribe.

RATING

POISON APPLE

Look, I don’t condone poisoning your opps just because they’re prettier than you (valid motive, nonetheless). What you should be doing is raising a glass with them, sharing a bit of your poison of preference. And if you’re an evil queen and a runaway princess, actual poison may just be your preference. The Poison Apple is inspired by the same murder weapon that does in Snow White for all of five minutes, intended to look like the bubbling green potion the Queen dips the apple into. You’ll find tart, sweet flavors here thanks to the green apple schnapps and lime juice, alongside a bubbly body courtesy of a light pour of prosecco. While easy to drink, it does have a bit of a bite to it. Enjoy it when you can, but I shouldn’t have to tell you to not accept any cocktails you find dressed as weird old ladies.

INGREDIENTS

• 3oz green apple schnapps
• 2oz tequila
• 3/4oz chile liqueur
• 1/2oz simple syrup
• 1/2oz lime juice
• Top: Prosecco

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Add ingredients to a cocktail shaker with ice and shake to chill.
2. Strain into wine glass filled with ice.
3. Top with prosecco.